She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
