I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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