Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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