This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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