hotel room ftw
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
