I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
