i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
