i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
