I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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