i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
