You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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