I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize