what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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