I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
