I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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