1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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