Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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