eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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