you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
