You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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