worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
