I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
