Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
