I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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