The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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