No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
