I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
