Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
