He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
