My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im part way to drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
