then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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