I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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