some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
