I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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