thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
