I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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