It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
