If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
