so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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