I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
