Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
either way he was missing a nipple.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize