Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
