My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
