I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
