I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
