im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
