She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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