You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
