margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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