I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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