I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
