Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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