The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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