I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
