her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
