i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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