I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
