Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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