I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
