We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize