It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
