He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love you.
Bad choice
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
