$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
