When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
