It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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